I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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