I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
