I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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