Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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