And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
