Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
