I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
