I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
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Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
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I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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