just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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