The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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