right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
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The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
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All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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