I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
