Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
