What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
