Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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