I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she looked like the before picture.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize