never play flip cup with pint glasses
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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