i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize