and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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