Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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