we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
