I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
