actually, I'm a sock model
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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