i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When are your genitals available?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize