This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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