The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
