so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
