I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
