wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Randomize
