what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
