Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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