He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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