I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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