There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
