Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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