Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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