she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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