Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
