I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
