Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
