Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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