I skipped work to stalk him.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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