On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
