STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
