my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
