Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
