I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
