Are we in a gay sports bar?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Welp...herpes.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
