im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
