She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
