He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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