Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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