im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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