OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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