At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
