So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
