did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
