I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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