Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the day after is always just damage control
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
