eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
