She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
