so explain again why im purple
no
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
