I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
