WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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