Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
