I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
