Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
