I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
