are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
