my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
