Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
