i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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