i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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