whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
