mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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