She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
nutella sex= disaster
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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