I intend to get homeless drunk
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
