i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
